


and maybe one day you'll call me (and tell me that you're sorry too)

by aanarchy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inspired by Black Mirror, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor Character Death, No Sex, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Relationship, Please Don't Hate Me, The Author Regrets Everything, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14800005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanarchy/pseuds/aanarchy
Summary: jeonghan can't seem to remember anything that happened before the arrival of winter, but when he meets sweet seungcheol who seems to understand everything about jeonghan, life seems a little easier to live.alternatively; seungcheol slowly helps jeonghan remember





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. tw this fic is very explicit towards the end  
> 2\. this was inspired by an episode of the netflix show 'black mirror'  
> 3\. the song title is a lyric from 'from the dining table' by harry styles  
> 4\. PLEASE remember that this is entirely fictional.  
> 5\. this was originally a chanbaek fic but i read it again and reconsidered

the dreams only came during the wintertime; when the frigid winds pulled the trees in a dance. the dreams matched the muddy piles of snow that loitered the streets; dreams of tall men wearing white masks, the mouths warped in the same wicked smirk. jeonghan feared the nights that forced sleep upon him. if you were to ask the boy for the origins of these horrid visions, he would have no response. he could not seem to remember any pieces of his past.

jeonghan woke up with puffy eyes and pounding headaches most of the time. quite often, he spent the entire day inside the quaint house, writing down anything he noticed so he could relearn it the next day. it took him a few weeks to start properly retaining memories.

jeonghan met him one particularly cold evening when there were frantic knocks on his door and a boy with red, teary eyes begging for help. the boy collapsed in jeonghan's arms, the contact sparked visions of lemonade kisses and cotton candy nights. jeonghan immediately began crying and pressing kisses on the boy's forehead until he heard quiet snores.

seungcheol was also twenty-five and didn't like winter nights either, jeonghan quickly learned. he had gone nights on end doing anything possible to stay awake. seungcheol couldn't remember how many hours he spent sleeping in jeonghan's arms- actually sleeping. not the kind where his heart rate triples, the kind where he can't move despite the number of tears he cries, the kind that has him wishing he was six feet under. jeonghan agreed with every feeling seungcheol described.

they slept sprawled across one another and were found with fingers intertwined on the sidewalks. it was obvious the two connected quite quickly, but jeonghan couldn't explain the comfort and safety he found in seungcheol. he couldn't explain the feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he caught seungcheol gazing at him.

by springtime, jeonghan realized he was in love. in love with seungcheol. he shoved this thought to the farthest corner of his mind, but it kept crawling back and finding a comfortable spot right in the middle. he couldn't tell seungcheol. he couldn't. boys don't love boys.

jeonghan knew he was being selfish. he would cup seungcheol's cheeks and kiss his forehead or stroke his fingers through seungcheol's hair. seungcheol would reciprocate with loving words or soft blush. this was selfish of jeonghan. he wasn't allowed to use people like this. but to him, being selfish was better than telling the younger boy and risking the thought of him running off.

the summer broke through the treetops and brought light freckles to seungcheol's nose and cheeks. his dark hair turned a shade lighter and jeonghan couldn't be more whipped for him. they lay on a hill in the shade of the weeping willows when it happened. seungcheol was on his back, looking up to the older who was rested on his elbows. seungcheol's voice broke the comfortable silence. "hannie, why haven't you kissed me yet?"

"i do kiss you. all the time," jeonghan cleared his throat. his cheeks flushed red at the unexpected question but he kissed seungcheol's temple as if to prove his point.

"not that way," seungcheol's eyes glimmered in the small streaks of sunlight. jeonghan wasn't sure if this was an invitation but he leaned over and closed his eyes, connecting their lips lightly. he was about to pull away before feeling seungcheol's hand on the back of his neck, bringing him back down.

they kissed once, twice, three times more; each kiss getting more and more passionate. jeonghan licked at seungcheol's parted lips which tasted of lemonade and warm nights.

"thank you."

the autumn leaves fell slower than jeonghan had. each day was becoming harder for him, harder to keep an i love you from slipping past his foolish lips. jeonghan kissed the younger often, his hands would wander around the warmth of seungcheol's body. despite the younger letting him do whatever he pleased, jeonghan still felt his throat clogged with petals. but maybe seungcheol felt something, too. maybe they had a chance despite all the horrid things people might say.

it was nearly winter when seungcheol took too long to pick up the phone, making jeonghan's anxiety double with every trill. it felt like years before he heard a hey, jeonghan.

"cheol uhh... this might've been better to do in real life rather than over the phone... i guess it's too late now anyways... i just wanted to let you know that i am in love with you.

"loving you is like jumping into a pool in the summer or scraping your knees on the pavement. loving you is so painfully easy. i just- i love you. so much. and... seungcheol? cheol?" the only response was an automated voice telling jeonghan to hang up the phone.

oh.

a knock on his door.

two men in white masks.

blood.

jeonghan sitting with his wrists and ankles tied to the chair; seungcheol's cold eyes.

"oh poor hannie. he fell in love," seungcheol pouts at the older and continues to talk over the soft whimpers. "do you know what it's like to have the only thing you care about the most be taken away from you in an instant? do you? do you feel that pain in your fucking chest jeonghan? now you can feel what it's like to have your heart shatter like glass."

jeonghan looks up at the boy and wonders how everything fell apart so easily, wonders if he were just having a horrible dream and will wake up to seungcheol next to him. he chokes back a new wave of tears, "w-what's going on cheol? please, i-i don't understand. i'm so s-scared."

"you weren't so scared when you killed your friend, were you now? do you remember that jeonghan? do you?"

he doesn't.

he looks around the room and realizes how bare everything is. there were no signs of home. no pictures on the walls or small souvenirs. jeonghan's head hurts so much. he can't focus on the few words coming out of seungcheol's mouth.

"w-what did you say?"

"joshua."

"i've h-heard that b-b-before. who is h-he?"

"you fucking cunt," seungcheol's hand makes contact with jeonghan's temple and everything stings. "can't even remember joshua. i might as well just fucking kill you now."

joshua.

joshua.

a storm.

a car.

joshua had told jeonghan that they shouldn't go to the party. "it'll be fun! plus yixing and dongjae are gonna be there. let's go!" they did go. joshua wasn't the type to say no to anyone. jeonghan had promised to not drink much.

headlights.

blood.

crying.

"I'll be okay, jeonghan. why don't you just go home and tell seungcheol i'll be late for lunch tomorrow."

"i-i don't understand," jeonghan was sobbing now. "i was eighteen! it's not my f-fault i couldn't save him. he was my friend too!"

seungcheol kneels down as he clicks his tongue, grabbing jeonghan's bruised face, turning it to look directly at him. "he was all of our friends. you knew you could have stopped it. you knew you shouldn't have gone. i used to cry every night and what would you do? drink until you forgot? what did that help with? that didn't bring him back!"

"please... i- i know. please-"

"it's the same thing every year. gentlemen, i'm tired of seeing this, just get it over with. i'll get the others so they can help clean up this disgusting mess." seungcheol's eyes are filled with tears as he motions to the two men in white masks and twisted smiles behind him. he turns to jeonghan once more, "let's see how much you remember this year, hannie."

the men untie jeonghan and drag him towards the bedroom despite how hard jeonghan tries to free himself. "please, seungcheol! PLEASE! NO!"

jeonghan shuts his eyes and weeps as he is thrown on the bed and held down.

he stops trying to shove the men away.

a needle is shoved carelessly into his inner elbow.

a familiar voice is telling him that they can't wait to see what happens this year as his eyelids fall heavy.

jeonghan wakes up with puffy eyes and a pounding headache, not quite sure where he is.


	2. translations !

now translated to [russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6939749)

**Author's Note:**

> please comment i love feedback! you can ask questions in the comments or dm on twitter @ mxvocals or on tumblr @ lovedojoon


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